Recently, I have been thinking alot about myself. Even since the day I started playing the drum-set, all I ever wanted to do in life was to become a professional drummer. I would spend hours practicing the drums, master every drum technique book I could find, watch as many instructional DVDs from famous drummers, and constantly playing everywhere from jam sessions, competitions, recordings, gigs, teaching, to Church etc. That was all I ever did for the past few years because I wanted to become the best or become one of the most incredible drummer the world has ever seen.
I would spend a regular of 3 hours of non-stop practice each day, 2-3 hours of transcribing my own works, and the rest of the time to listen to music and other daily routines. The money I've made from gigs, teaching, competitions, etc. all went to buying more drum equipments so that I can become even better. I've spent a roughly calculated of RM3,000 on drumsticks alone, because I would break a pair of sticks every 2 or 3 weeks because of constant practice.
What have I become? I became a very good drummer. But I had to pay a huge price... I am 18 yrs old, turning to 19 and realized I have almost no life outside of drumming. I've rejected spending quality time with my family and friends just so I could attempt to squeeze 1,000 single strokes (a drum rudiment) a minute on the snare drum. I've lost many close friends because of my selfishness of isolating myself in my room for the sake of drumming.
People actually call me an awesome drummer... but look at the what I have to go through. I've never had a relationship before, never kissed a girl other than my mother, and said no to people who asked me to watch go watch a movie or spend time to catch up or even to show that I care. The only ones who still loves me other than my parents is God himself and that is just pathetic.
I've become the monster of drumming and feel so alone. I've accomplished great technical barriers but going to bed crying for someone to talk to. I'm so shocked that I managed to master a hard drum song but ending up losing close friends. I can play extreme speeds that most drummer wouldn't even dare to dream of, yet I suffer a deep depression of being isolated. On one hand, I've become a powerhouse drummer but on the other hand, the girl of my dreams doesn't even like me.
I am an awesome drummer.... but alone and sad.
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The sacrifices I've made last year is something that no 18 year old can or should handle. I am now crying for even the slightest conversation with my friends; but they return the favor in saying that they are busy- like the way I rejected them.
Am I really going to spend the short time that God has put me on Earth to make loud noises... or to be blessing towards everyone around me and receive the gift of the love?
I wept - no one hears, I am lonely - no one cares. I deserved it.....
Nobody can become the best at what they do and still keep their friends the way they were.....
The great but sorrowful drummer could be considered as my tag-line. This is the price I have to pay to become the best.
It's not worth it!
I would spend a regular of 3 hours of non-stop practice each day, 2-3 hours of transcribing my own works, and the rest of the time to listen to music and other daily routines. The money I've made from gigs, teaching, competitions, etc. all went to buying more drum equipments so that I can become even better. I've spent a roughly calculated of RM3,000 on drumsticks alone, because I would break a pair of sticks every 2 or 3 weeks because of constant practice.
What have I become? I became a very good drummer. But I had to pay a huge price... I am 18 yrs old, turning to 19 and realized I have almost no life outside of drumming. I've rejected spending quality time with my family and friends just so I could attempt to squeeze 1,000 single strokes (a drum rudiment) a minute on the snare drum. I've lost many close friends because of my selfishness of isolating myself in my room for the sake of drumming.
People actually call me an awesome drummer... but look at the what I have to go through. I've never had a relationship before, never kissed a girl other than my mother, and said no to people who asked me to watch go watch a movie or spend time to catch up or even to show that I care. The only ones who still loves me other than my parents is God himself and that is just pathetic.
I've become the monster of drumming and feel so alone. I've accomplished great technical barriers but going to bed crying for someone to talk to. I'm so shocked that I managed to master a hard drum song but ending up losing close friends. I can play extreme speeds that most drummer wouldn't even dare to dream of, yet I suffer a deep depression of being isolated. On one hand, I've become a powerhouse drummer but on the other hand, the girl of my dreams doesn't even like me.
I am an awesome drummer.... but alone and sad.
___________________________________
The sacrifices I've made last year is something that no 18 year old can or should handle. I am now crying for even the slightest conversation with my friends; but they return the favor in saying that they are busy- like the way I rejected them.
I wept - no one hears, I am lonely - no one cares. I deserved it.....
Nobody can become the best at what they do and still keep their friends the way they were.....
The great but sorrowful drummer could be considered as my tag-line. This is the price I have to pay to become the best.
It's not worth it!
Hey man, you know my number bah. Call lah. :)
ReplyDeleteEveryone's lonely man. The most popular kid in school with tons of friends hanging out with him might not be as happy as you think. Happiness is many a time something which has standards we set for ourselves. If u aren't happy with who u are today, then start to make a change, one step at a time. Doesn't mean you have to give up being who u are, just tat we need to start accepting the fact that who we are needs to improve day by day, God willing.
ReplyDeleteStill, you have managed to express such a feeling that many people shudder to think of, for many have the same fear as well. You have done them a favor expressing it out.
I just watched the movie P.S. I love you, and one important phrase was " Now alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."
Bear in mind, bro, that we are all alone together, =)
Cheers,
ZH